I haven't written for a while because I guess I just wanted to pretend my Grandmother's not completely fucked. She had her second lumpectomy that they said went well and we got bumped back to the oncologist to talk about cancer treatment and received the sad news that Non would need Chemo in addition to the localized radiation and that we were looking at more than 5 months of non-stop doctors appointments, chemo, vomiting, dehydration, and itchy wigs.
We were also told that since Non had sirosis of the liver (which I don't know how to spell and can't get spell check to fix) which meant that they didn't know how the Chemo was going to do when her liver had problems metabolizing it out of her system. So yeah, that sucked.
But I was optimistic! We scheduled a PET scan to make sure the cancer hadn't spread past her cancer ridden lymph nodes. The PET scan was a breeze and all we needed to do next was wait for the results.
In the mean time I got together with my uncle and bought Non a plane ticket to Ohio so she could visit her family and see her sisters before we had to start the long grueling process of radiation. We packed her 3 dogs up and took them and her over to our house the night before her flight.
And the little stupid 2lb chihuahua shithead ran away. And we looked for it. And looked for it. And just when we'd decided it was being sold into slavery, it reappeared bright and early the next morning just in time for Non to chill out before her flight.
Her flight went well and we decided to keep the 2 stupid chihuahua's locked on the back porch but let the 15 year old decrepit half blind and all deaf mutt wander the yard because she was a pacer.
She of course, disappeared. The difference this time though was that she hasn't come back and it's been a few days. But we didn't want Non to know we lost another one of her dogs, so we haven't told her the dog's missing. Whenever she asks about them, we just say that little's just wandering around. Non replied that that was the story of Little's life.
We've decided to tell her it passed in the night and dig a hole and "bury" it even though we can't find it, but we want to wait until later to make sure she doesn't show back up because that would be REALLY hard to explain.
So, after accepting that Little's decrepit ass had probably gone off somewhere to die we let life continue as always. Non, meanwhile, apparently decided to drive to Indiana with her sister Janet who doesn't work and has an in-ground pool they were going to chill next to.
Almost immediately after arriving, Non fell down two steps and broke her hip.
BROKE HER FUCKING HIP!
The first words I said to her when I got her on the phone was that she's the most unlucky person I ever met in my entire life. She laughed, but she was pretty high on morphine at the time.
So, one would think that the shit storm of bad luck would chill out for a minute, but no.
This morning I received the results of the PET scan. Non has a spot on her lung that looks pretty damn cancerous. Of course she does. To make matters worse, the surgeons are worried about how surgery would go there and apparently it's in a pretty hard to reach spot. So now they're talking about draining her malfuntioning liver's fluid off her abdomen again (they only took 5 liters last time!) and hoping that gives them a better way in.
I couldn't tell her that. I just couldn't. So I told the doctor I couldn't handle having to relay any more bad news and that she needed to call Non herself. The doctor was understanding. If she hadn't been I think I would have gotten pretty damn ugly right then.
So now I'm contemplating taking my first ever sick day at work to go sit in the sun somewhere and just chill out and hopefully get off this crazy train for a few hours.
There's really nothing you can say to end a post like this. It's just too messed up for reflection and my optimistic nature has been beaten into a bitty pulp. So, I'm just going to leave it here.
-Sarah
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